It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. 🌤🌈
In fact, today is a really rough day for me.
I went to bed last night, full of fatigue. Do you know the kind when your legs don’t want to walk, and you can barely keep yourself upright without holding on to things around you?
I hoped a goodnight’s rest would leave be more chipper this morning. I was wrong. Instead, I woke up with fatigue that was increasing in full-force.
Everything just feels so……uncomfortable.
I don’t know another word for it.
It’s like when you are 9+ months pregnant, in the hot summer, and everything feels so restless, when all you really want to do is sleep. You can’t stand the weight of your own body, and just feel like crawling out of your own skin. I ended up taking a bath, because I just couldn’t handle gravity.
Then, the pain sets in.
Everything is bone-achingly present. It’s like every nerve is firing, wanting me to know something is wrong with my body, but it doesn’t know where it should be hurting. So, it just throbs everywhere.
But that’s not the worst of it. The worst comes when, because you feel so weak physically, you also feel weak emotionally. Crying over things that you can’t even explain, because you’re not even sure where it is stemming from. Not thinking clearly, not able to tell if you’re hungry or not, not being able to answer the simplest of questions, because thinking seems like an unsurmountable task. Apologizing for everything, because you feel like such a burden for not being able to contribute to life today. Feeling lazy, because you need to ask your son for help for even minor tasks.
So, how do I handle days like this?
Yes, I take meds to help.
Yes, I use CBD.
Yes, I take naps.
Yes, I eat comfort food.
Yes, I spend most of the day on the couch or in bed.
Yes, I try to hide from the world.
Yes, I pet my new kitty because it soothes my soul.
Yes, I try not to complain, because I’m sure everyone around me is tired of me complaining.
And yes, then I decide to journal on social media, because I know there are other people out there who have had days like this, and maybe expressing these emotional and physical symptoms in words might help me feel better (since my brain actually seems to be working right now).
I know this will pass.
I know I will feel better.
I know I am strong enough to deal with today.
I know I have amazing people (like my husband) who will support me and take care of me.
I know I will make it through.
I do not write this for pity or sympathy.
I write this just to give you a glimpse into what a rough day for someone with an invisible, chronic illness can look like.
And let’s just be honest….I know I have it easy because these days are few and far between for me. More often than not, I have very good days. Others have it much harder than I.
#lifewithms
