It’s time just to be REAL and HONEST….things suck right now.
Everyone keeps thinking I am doing so well with my recovery, and I definitely appreciate the encouraging words. I know things could be much worse than they are, and I am making progress. But, the reality is…..it’s very hard.
Somedays I am full of energy and feel like I could conquer the world, and other days I can’t even get off the couch. And often it vacillates back and forth several times throughout only one day.
Moms – Remember about a week after delivery of your baby (maybe a few more weeks if you had a c-section), and you think to yourself, “I feel good! I would love to get out of the house and do something. I think I’m ready to make a trip to the grocery store.” So, you pack everything up, and start your adventure. You may start to feel a little more tired once you get to the store, but you still convince yourself that you are good-to-go. But, then by the time you’ve gone down only one of the aisles, it hits you like a ton of bricks. You feel like you’ve already run a marathon for the day, and are completely fatigued. You just want to cry, and wish you had teleportation abilities so you could just be back home on the couch without having to walk or drive anywhere. You are already shaking so much that you don’t know if you can make it.
Yep, that is how I feel most of the time.
(and I’m sorry that I don’t know the male equivalent)
Take yesterday as an example…I felt pretty good in the morning, and decided to go lift weights with Cory (my hubby) and some friends. I felt good while working out, and even for about an hour afterward, and then all of a sudden it hit me HARD. I ended up taking three naps throughout the day, and couldn’t leave the couch (except to go watch my son play at Autzen Stadium, because how could I miss that???).
REALITY:
🔹 I have more energy in the mornings than in the afternoons.
🔹 I had to had my husband come teach for me on Monday because I was shaking so hard I could barely stand up.
🔹 I want so badly to be able to do the things I enjoy in life (hiking, etc..), but end up feeling horribly depressed because my body just can’t handle it.
🔹 I refuse to stop dreaming of backpacking sometime soon (even thought I know I won’t be able to), because it is helping me get through this rough spot.
🔹 I cope by using lots of sarcasm.
🔹 I can’t stand the thought of radiation therapy, because just as I was starting to feel better, I now know it will leave me feeling even worse for the next couple months. (NOTE: I do not technically have “cancer”, but they are still wanting to treat it with radiation because of the biopsy results).
🔹 My utter belief that I can make it through this is what will help carry me through.
🔹 I strongly believe in the power of prayer, and appreciate any prayers that you are willing to provide.
🔹 I have really rough days, but believe I have no other choice than to be positive, because any other option would leave me even more depressed.
🔹 What I love about the picture included, is that I am trying as hard as I can to smile in the picture on the right… epic fail.
I don’t write this to gain sympathy, or get a lot of comments or likes. I simply share because I believe in being honest with you, and I realize that there may be others out there who are struggling with similar obstacles in their lives.
I want to you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am there with you. But I will keep moving forward, just like you will, because any other option is just not really a choice.
